Despite all the things I do to get a restful night’s sleep, that particular delight continues to elude me. I will say that it’s much better, generally, since I started taking progesterone which is magical for calming the mind. I do also take an over-the-counter sleep aid as well as a concoction that my naturopath has prescribed. Suffice to say, if I gave up these little helpers, I probably wouldn’t sleep a wink.
But for the last little while my sleep has been a messed up mixture of not being able to fall asleep followed by frequent waking, and nightmares … every night. Good thing I find dreaming fascinating so I don’t really mind what form they come in but poor Paul doesn’t know what to do when I whimper and cry out in my sleep.
When I can’t sleep, I recite the times tables in my head. 1 times 1 is 1; 1 times 2 is 2, etc. all the way up to 12 times 12 is 144. If I haven’t fallen asleep by the end, I launch into nursery rhymes: Mary Had A Little Lamb; Rock-a_Bye-Baby; Row Row Row Your Boat; Itsy Bitsy Spider (even though, as you know, I hate those things). So, I sing these over and over again in my head, mumbling over the lines I don’t remember. It’s an entirely somatic experience and seems to do the trick. It’s not actually that my mind is racing; it’s more like my nervous system is all abuzz and it requires soothing.
I read an article recently about adult teddy bears. More and more of us are bringing our stuffies to bed and, why not? It worked to shoosh away all fears and anxieties in childhood. Those monsters under the bed or in the closet wouldn’t dare come near the fierce love and protection I had with me.
Right? Our favourite stuffy was the one we went to when we needed complete understanding and unconditional love. Knowing there were such altruistic creatures in the world gave me a whole pile of hope that the days just might get better.
If I could do one thing to heal the world of its wounds, I would release gazillions of stuffies from the sky, just let those messengers of It’s All Okay to rain down and land softly in the arms of every child, woman and man. Because no matter who we are, we deserve to feel safe, loved and accepted.